I rarely talk about myself on here. That is, though most of what I write is deeply personal, I tend to smuggle it in under the guise of characters that aren’t me and situations which I’ve never experienced. Very few people actually enjoy talking about themselves and, if they do, it’s only on their own [...] Read More

“There’s this place I know that has cheap food, but good food, and free wine,” I say, putting forward an offer which no young New Yorker should be able to resist.1 “Oh, that sounds great, but I’m on Master Cleanse,” she says. Sadly, she’s not the first female to tell me this, nor the first male, nor, [...] Read More

The bridge, older than the name of the land or the boundaries set up to define that land, was good enough for now; the rain pounded its top and engulfed the paths leading to and from it, but, for now, those inside stayed dry. Jakup had his arm around a young child. Whose child? Who [...] Read More

I’m not a foot fetishist. Okay. I mean, I wouldn’t even be looking at her feet, but the train was packed and, for most of the way, it was all I could see. They were nice feet–again, not a foot fetishist, but someone who appreciates beauty. And, really, when I say “nice” I mean it [...] Read More

It’s said, or I’ve heard, that a captured soldier is only required to give out three pieces of information: Name, rank, and serial number. With the exception of ‘Name’, I’m not sure what exactly the importance of the other two bits are– I suppose ‘rank’ holds importance, as far as the enemy is concerned, in [...] Read More

I’ve been wanting to write this for a while, but was unable to find a tactful way of stating the main-point without offending someone. I still can’t. So, I’ll just state my thesis outright: The moment an outside group gains acceptance1, their cultural output, the works that represent them as a group, start to deteriorate. “I [...] Read More

‘The Dark Knight’ is a truly spectacular film. And I think I hate it… Before I’m accused of over-analysing a summer blockbuster, I have to point out that the makers of this film–some truly talented individuals–chocked this thing so full of quandaries and dilemmas; packed it with ruminations on chaos and instances of game theory1; and [...] Read More

I’ve been getting in a lot of trouble lately. It seems correcting someone’s poor use of words is now akin to telling them their children are ugly and their career is a waste of time. Certainly I’m not perfect; a careful look through any piece on this site will probably yield no end of run [...] Read More

It’s funny to note that in a time of intense failure, massive incompetence, and rampant mediocrity; the most offensive charge we increasingly throw around is that you/your group/your philosophy are elitist. Second-rateness, seemingly the day’s new black, has become so popular that any stray from the not-so-perfect path is to be derided and held up [...] Read More

There's a difference between buying a nice suit and wearing a suit nicely. Just because you can do the first--and if we starve for a while most of us can--doesn't mean you can do the second. Mark, a man who knows a lot about some things, could never tell the difference and though, through some economic miracle, it was an expensive suit, he wore it poorly. Read More

Everyone wants a thing. Bad. It was an efficient thing. Built to last. Strong. Could do anything. And so, with these traits, it was everything the human body was not. By the standards of most living things, humans’ threshold for time without food and water is remarkably small. We can’t do anything and we are unable [...] Read More

It was a giant purple thing, stuck, for several days, between a Prius and a Cooper. And Tom Armstrong, a resident of 34 Gramercy Park East, was right when he said, "I wouldn't want a car that was that beat up to be outside on our streets, much less a reeking dumpster!" But there it was, a purple-blight amongst the lush green that was Manhattan's last private neighborhood. Everyone who had to walk their tiny dogs past the thing, whether a resident or employee, would do so with a disgusted grimace. Everyone except the residents of the Co-op on 38, whose dumpster it was. Read More

Here, in the beginning was the word. And the word said 'here' and here he was. He knew not why he was here (do any of us?), but he was here and there was nothing else here, only darkness--though lacking even the quantity called 'darkness'. And though there was not yet loneliness, terror, or cold; the being found himself terribly lonely and cold. Before the being could utter a magic word or a command, light raised up to the sky and illumination seeped onto the earth causing the being to smile for a moment, but then again he found himself crying because the light had only further lit up and revealed the full extent of nothingness. Read More

I don’t do lists. Like mashups, remakes, and sequels; I’ve always considered them a ground-zero for our age’s inability to be original. My site, who’s birthday is only a few weeks removed from mine, has done it’s best to be original, often changing formats, focuses, and styles just to keep up, by keeping far away, [...] Read More

iPhone G3 release day at the Fifth Avenue Apple Store. Okay, I think I’ve made my point now. Read More

Whatever your particular belief system is: Christian, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, Fatalist, Randomist, Darwinist, Sun-Worshipper, the Cult of mother nature; I find it hard to believe that any deity, transcendental power, or prophet could have ended whatever was inside of Jesse Helms without noting the irony of making his last day take place on the [...] Read More

Dear readers, friends, and stalkers: It’s clear my site has slightly slowed down of late. While I’d like to attribute this to some much longer pieces I’m working on (or what I and the rest of the world call “Real Writing”), or to the fact that as I reach nearly my hundredth short-short story that I’ve [...] Read More

I’ve never until now written, or even spoke, a word about Bob Dylan. In fact, I’ve never even listened to him–not in public anyway. I’ve heard him on my headphones and let his messages seep in from my low speakers late, late at night; but when people are around, you won’t hear me either playing [...] Read More

The old men of the village had their eyes firmly focused on politics again. And the economy. And property values. And sports. But not their wives; their wives were safe at home now--safe and unlooked on. The candlelit dinners and music, the awkward dancing and even more awkward reading of poetry had stopped when the young men left. No need for it anymore. Yes, the old leaders of the village no longer had to watch their spouses like hawks--even though they sat at home all day, bored. So, though there was a war going on, the elders were all noticeably calmer than during peacetime and the council meeting had a relaxed air to it. Read More

"Liberty Univer..." Mark stopped. It was the first time either of them had said that, the word "kill". Madison Square was completely dark now except for a few people at the enclosed dog-run. Read More

Every now and then you run into a story, says, “some guy broke into a house, stole a lot of things, and while he was in there, he raped an 81 year old woman.” And I’m thinking to myself, “WHY??? What the fuck kind of a social life does this guy have?” –George Carlin It was far from [...] Read More

Kyle thought as he went for a better arrangement of the list. His structure still seemed off and taking it out of alphabetical order hadn't fixed the problem. He scribbled down on his notepad again: Homosexuals, blacks, Aisans, lesbians... Read More

Both the young teenager and the old officer were terribly embarrassed as the Police cruiser careened through some of Wilson's earliest paved roads. Read More

I’ve been waking up at sunrise I’ve been following the light across my room I watch the night receive the room of my day Some people say the sky is just the sky But I say Why deny the obvious child? Why deny the obvious child? –Paul Simon The paradox of the digital age is that the more an event or occurrence is [...] Read More

“We take the stars from Heaven, the red from our mother country, separating it by white stripes, thus showing that we have separated from her, and the white stripes shall go down to posterity representing Liberty.” –George Washington “It’s not a dictatorship in Washington, but I tried to make it one…” –George Bush Yesterday was Flag Day here in [...] Read More